Forward from here.

I’ve been reluctant to start this blog. Just as reluctant as I was 18 years ago to accept I have a chronic issue. I couldn’t name it aloud, because I refused to accept it as part of my life. It, in my eyes, showed weakness. And never would I allow anyone to see me as such. This has been my curse since a child: to be perceived as weak and to do my damnedest to prove to the world otherwise.

I know some of the graphics and titles on this page might make not sense to you at all at the moment. Because in the context of this blog narrative, they don’t. I’m a perfectionist by nature, and although that might often serve me in certain situations. In this one, it hinders me. Therefore, I decided to forego making the blog all pretty and organized at the onset, and, instead delve into writing. It will all meld given time. A commodity I also often deprive myself of.

So, here I am, nearly 56 years old, and owning up to a weakness in my body. Which has ultimately crept into my mind, my well being, my day to day life and my personality. But, I have grown to see within it, my strength.

Today’s strength is writing despite my fear of failure, my current pain levels, and my reluctance to show such a personal side of myself. Cocooning my true self is truly safer than what might transpire here. However, I propel myself forward with the hope it won’t be as scary as what I’ve convinced myself of.

So, why this blog? I have been working to find answers on my own for so long, and I have come across so many others trying to do the same thing. I’m not so sure how parallel our symptoms might run, but I do see the mental struggle is. Therefore, maybe as I share a new perspective, idea, answer, to one of my issues, perhaps someone else will find something that they can utilize to alleviate or lessen theirs.

I’m trying to move out of my cocoon, where I feel alone in my suffering. The hope is to transform. To move, along with others, by utilizing this long standing willpower within us, and use it to create well power: the power of being a healthier version of ourselves, that lends itself to living within the power of stronger well being, both mentally and physically, to reconnect with the person we were before our bodies were besieged, and to living out dreams long left abandoned.

I’m committed to this desire . I need to be. It has what has gotten me this far. But I need to keep reaching, because the longing for it festers as deep as the pain. I’m in it to win it. And, I hope you will be, too.

You deserve to be well. You deserve to be understood. You deserve to bring back those dreams you thought were gone forever. You deserve to watch, and feel, and revel in them coming to fruition.

Let’s do this!

(And, bam! Publishing before I tweak, re-tweak, and self doubt comes a knocking.)